DAY 1 of the Rest of My Life


As a mother we all have ups and downs. These past few months I have been having regular down days. Nothing major has happened which should cause this, yet I’ve been struggling with just getting out of bed most days. So I have decided that I no longer want to continue my life like this. I am not liking the person I am becoming and I have had enough of wasting my life away.
I’m sure that for many moms this is a regular motto, but I have always been a happy, positive person and recently I am becoming someone I do not like. With my eldest turning 10 and becoming a bit of a rebel, challenging me at every turn, I have become more short tempered, pessimistic and just plain miserable. I know that this is down to my fear. Fear of what the future brings, the idea that now could be a turning point for my son and he is just testing me. I feel this overwhelming need to establish the parameters, instil in him good character and help him to have strong self control. I sometimes lose sleep from the worry of where I am leading my children. Am I benefitting them or hindering their progress? I don’t know how to relax on this issue. The future isn’t something I can see or control so I should just let it go. Right? Can any other moms let me know how they deal with this issue?
I’ve always been a bit adverse to putting myself out there, especially on the internet, where anyone can see what I write and I can’t necessarily take things back. However, I have reached a type of breaking point and I don’t have much support in the real world. I don’t know any other homeschoolers and most members of my family believe that I am doing my children a disservice by keeping them at home and away from the ‘normalcy’ of public school. Therefore, I have realised that it is time I did something about my life if I don’t like the path its leading to. That change can only be made by me so I’m taking steps to improve myself and would love others to share their stories as well. I am doing a NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming) for life coaching course to help motivate me.
The elusive ‘they’ say, ‘sometimes the smallest things can bring about the biggest changes’. I think the turning point for this decision has come from a very odd place indeed. Having grown up a tomboy, I have never been an emotional person. However, I was recently shopping in a large store and The Frays, ‘How to save a life’ came on the radio and I couldn’t control the tears that sprang to my eyes. I could not help but picture myself as the one needing to be saved and I never felt such a compulsion to put right my life and be proud of who I am, as I did at that moment. I must admit this moment truly shocked me. I have never cried in public and something clicked inside of me which made me really contemplate and reflect my life.
I have the true desire now that I need to step up and be the best ‘ME’ I can be. Not just to feel better about myself but for the blessed children God has entrusted with me. I hope to share my journey and hear about others as well. As we are all shepherds and we are all responsible for our flock.
“A man is a shepherd in respect of his family and is responsible for those in his care. The woman is a shepherd in respect of her husband’s house and is responsible for those in her care. All of you are shepherds and each of you is responsible for his flock.” 
Ibn Umar



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